


All I Believe and All I've Known

by WandaHoya



Series: Something in Our Blood [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Black Family (Harry Potter) - Freeform, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Gen, Marauders, Marauders Friendship, Marauders' Era, One-Sided Attraction, POV Peter Pettigrew, The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-27
Packaged: 2019-05-30 16:29:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15100667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WandaHoya/pseuds/WandaHoya
Summary: Peter and Sirius seem to rub each other the wrong way and it’s unclear if they’re ever going to be true friends. The Blacks' before-hand planned marriage arrangements get ruined and the Black drama turns into a soap opera. The marauders start the Spring semester of their first year.Mostly Sirius centered marauders’ era story, viewed behind the eyes of all the four Marauders. The second part is from Peter’s point of view.Can be read as a stand-alone story even though it's a part of a series.





	1. Do your worst

**Author's Note:**

> The main title and titles of the chapters are all taken from Pendulum’s song Watercolour.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get back to Hogwarts and catch up after holidays.

The Hogwarts Express jerked on the move. The holidays were over and January was upon them. Peter Pettigrew let his worried glance study his friend’s face. It seemed that everyone else had had eventful holidays, both in good and bad. But not him. It had been just he and his mother, like always. The nice neighbours from the next door had popped by on Boxing Day and that was the most exciting happening there was. Peter was wondering was his mother’s life really that boring and lonesome now that Peter attended in Hogwarts, but he dared not to ask. Anyway the casual, ordinary life was exactly what his mother wanted to have.

 

Peter was pulled out of his thoughts with a loud bang. Sirius Black had just entered their compartment and he was agitated and seemingly angry at something. He slammed the door shut behind him with unnecessary force and sat down opposite of James, grunting and sulking and looking like it was a cold blooded murder on his mind and nothing less. Peter sucked his teeth mentally. He hated the way Sirius Black’s foul mood had taken over the whole environment.

 

“Andromeda was kicked out of her home,” Sirius said abruptly, mostly to James, who gasped in surprise and started to ask questions worried. The two of them often didn’t mind him and Remus when they were in the middle of something interesting.

“Who is this Andromeda?” asked Stephen Stebbins, a fellow first-grader who had come to sit with them because James had invited him. James had the odd habit of collecting weird friends around him. Peter himself, the boring never-heard boy and the scruffy and sickly Remus Lupin were probably the best evidence of it. And at least in Peter’s opinion the raging Sirius Black fit easily in the category of odd choice of company. But Peter was actually kind of happy that Stebbins had joined them. Now there was someone who was being ignored more than him and Remus. They would’ve gotten an answer for their question, Peter was quite sure. But Stebbins didn’t. Sirius just went on with his rant.

“She is dating some Hufflepuff, can you believe it?”

“A Hufflepuff? That’s someone from my house,” Stephen interjected, but no one except Peter heard it because James bellowed over him.

“A Hufflepuff, even though she could’ve had me?!”

 

Peter sneered. During the holidays he had forgotten all about his friend’s unreturned crush for Sirius Black’s cousin. In Peter’s taste she was way too unpredictable and seemed aggressive, swearing and using harsh language all the time, something he hadn’t used to hear. She had a wild tattoo and seemed to be the true rebel of the Black family. And she was old, seventeen or eighteen. But the most irritating part was that she made James act like an idiot. Peter usually felt embarrassed for James when Sirius’ cousin was present. James might laugh louder or try to say something impressive. Peter had a pretty good idea that you should act more calm with girls rather than be a drooling idiot begging for their attention. James was really nice guy but he wasn’t exactly oozing of coolness. He had let his black hair grow and it looked quite unkempt, his hair-ends wanting to curl in every possible direction. Unlike Sirius Black’s dark hair. It was thick and silky, ear-length and in order, moving elegantly like Sirius Black himself. Peter was quite sure Sirius had the kind of charisma that let him get out of anything. Like being a raging crazy person.

 

“Not to mention Andromeda Black is promised to Lucius Malfoy,” Lupin pointed out from his corner, sounding tired like he really needed to struggle in order too say something. Peter frowned worried, he would have rather been discussing about Remus than the Black family drama.

“Yeah. The Malfoys are furious with my aunt and uncle,” Sirius went on, “it’s a war between the Blacks and the Malfoys now, I tell you.”

“But how is sweet Drommie getting along? Where is she?” James asked sadly.

“For Merlin’s sake, she’s of age, Potter! She knows how to take care of herself. Maybe she returned to school in beforehand. Or maybe she stayed at that punk’s,” Sirius said irritated. Then he lowered his voice and added gloomily, “the boy is a muggleborn. Like both of his parents, you know. Totally muggleborn.”

“Hey, I’m too,” Peter heard Stebbins say in an uncharastically prickly tone. Now at least Remus offered him a sympathetic smile with his scarred face.

 

Finally also Sirius Black came to notice Remus Lupin’s face.

“Lupin! What the heck has happened to you?” He watched the boy’s apparent scar in shock.

“Is it that bad? James and Peter here were able to keep almost straight faces.”

A bright red scar crossed Remus’ face, starting below his eye and ending on the other cheek. He was bruised and more tired than the boys had seen him previously. His goldish brown hair seemed to have lost it’s shine and the boy looked somehow older than Peter remembered him to appear.

“Is that a black eye? Don’t tell me your mother did this to you?” Sirius asked sounding worried and trying to touch Remus’ scar but Remus dodged the hand by pulling his head back.

“Of course not! What are you talking about?” Remus snapped. Peter couldn’t help but to snicker.

“Although your mother is vicious to you it doesn’t mean all mothers are cruel.”

“But my mother’s not a muggle,” Sirius insisted with a severe face, “Remus’ is, isn’t her?”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” both Remus and Stebbins exclaimed, Remus slowly standing up and eyeing Sirius angrily. He wasn’t that scary sight though, he was exhausted, skinny as a famished squirrel and the shortest of the four boys. Five if you counted Stebbins in.

“That my mother has no need to leave visible marks. Witches use magic, you know.”

Remus blinked his eyes at Sirius, not knowing was the boy serious or joking. Then he fell in anger again and drew his wand out. Peter flinched.

“I’ll show you some magical marks…” Remus threatened.

James stood up in between them and placed his hand on Remus’ wrist while he turned to face Sirius.

“Sirius.” James said calmly but strictly eyeing him. From that look James gave to Sirius, Sirius understood he had crossed a line.

“Was I being prejudiced?” He asked from James. James nodded.

“Was I being a jerk?”

James nodded again.

“Should I apologize?”

“Definitely.”

 

Sirius sighed and stood up. James stepped away and sat back at his seat to watch his friends make up. Sirius faced Remus with an apologizing expression. Remus was still pointing his wand but his face had already softened.

“I am really sorry, Remus. I didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just...”

“Yeah, I know,” Remus scoffed, “you’re an idiot ‘cause you don’t know better. Right.”

“Oh Merlin, I’m the worst. You should make me pay back, I’d deserve it,” Sirius spread his hands. Remus sneered that he was tempted but seated himself anyway.

 

“I didn’t take any offence either,” Stebbins yelped from his corner. Sirius seemed to startle at that, which suggested to Peter that Sirius had just come aware of Stebbins’ presence for the first time. Then he shook his head and seated himself next to Remus.

“You know, my _maitresse_ actually told us that muggles discipline their offspring by beating them with sticks, belts and even whips. She made it sound so brutal.”

“And I thought your homeschooling were the elite,” Remus sighed, rolling his eyes. But Sirius shrugged that how he was supposed to know whether she was talking facts or not. Stebbins tried to interrupt and tell that some parents abused their children like they did in magical families too but Sirius was already going on about what his homeschool teacher had told him.

“She said that some kids were to go to forest to choose and pick up by themselves the stick they’d be beaten with. And kids always choose the small and thin ones not understanding that they hurt the most. Such a cruelty,” Sirius pitied.

 

“So Remus,” Peter cleared his throat, “you didn’t tell us how you got that scar?”

Of course James and Peter had noticed it the first thing when they saw Remus, but then Sirius had stormed in and stolen the spotlight before they got the chance to ask Remus what had happened to him.

Remus sighed.

“It was an accident. And this is actually a magical cut,” he said eyeing Sirius piercely.

“Just some little hex I was experimenting on, went astray. The usual, you know.”

“We are not supposed to do magic outside school, we’re underaged,” Stebbins gasped. Sirius scoffed.

“Well newsflash, _everybody_ does it still.”

“Yeah,” Potter agreed, “they can not track it down who did it, only that where it was done. So I can always say it was my parents.”

 

Peter sighed inwardly. Stebbins’ parents were muggles, he had just revealed it to them like five minutes ago. He didn’t have magical parents as an alibi. Sirius was always missing the details but why did also James turn into a such ignorant fool with Sirius.

“You need to show me the hex, Lupin. I’m pretty good at hexes. A family trait I guess,” Sirius boasted. James scoffed.

“Shouldn’t you anyway be playing with your dark Christmas presents with your dark family?”

“Saw enough of them at home, not interested in traveling with them,” Sirius admitted, falling into a bad mood again, “Narcissa is too busy to lick Lucius Malfoy’s butt and Andromeda…” Sirius’ voice died out.

“I’m just wondering is she in the dire need of my consorts,” James sighed, getting a sharp kick from Sirius.

 

“Stop lusting after my cousin and tell me about the joyful holidays at the Potters. How does normal wizarding families celebrate?”

Peter watched James look at Sirius with a fond expression on his face.

“You should visit us. You’d love at us.”

Suddenly James remembered there were others too.

“All of you. You’re very welcome. On summer vacation, for example.”

Remus thanked for the invitation and Sirius rushed James to continue.

“Well. We had this big Yule dinner with lots of friends. Frank Longbottom was there, as always. There was an auror also --”

“You mean like a dark wizard hunter?” Stebbins gasped. James nodded, seemingly excited that his story had interested the others that much. He surely enjoyed being the center of attention, Peter took notice.

“Mr Moody that was. Such a bad ass! He’s my parents’ friend. I understood they were working on something _together_. My parents and an auror, can you believe it! Frank Longbottom said that he’s going to be an auror too.”

“I thought your parents were retired from work,” Lupin asked looking like he could fall asleep anytime now.

“Yeah, they are. But something is definitely going on,” James said and frowned.

“My parents are actually getting a lot of guests nowadays and instead of gathering in the living room they withdraw to the study and close the door behind them. Not how it used to be at our place.”

“Something is definitely going on,” Sirius echoed, looking troubled. But before anyone could ask what he meant he insisted James to continue.

“What were you having?”

“Mmmh the best that you asked, Sirius! I love talking about food! Well, the traditional Yule log of course, it’s like the main event of the year. Mmmh. And then we had surprise meatballs, dad makes them for every celebration. Squash and sweet potato soup and then of course some well cooked venison, my mom’s speciality.”

“Sounds so delicious,” Stebbins drooled. Others agreed.

 

“Nice that you had friends to visit you at holidays,” Peter said out loud before he had thought about it. He hated when he did it, spoke before thinking. Peter didn’t want to come out as a lonely creep others should feel sorry for. He had enough friends. No one just ever visited him. Stebbins nodded eagerly at him which annoyed Peter even more.

“Petey, we’ll come visit you on summer vacation, won’t we?” James took a hold of Peter’s wrist and looked at him fondly. Peter saw Sirius roll his eyes and Stebbins look the other way. Remus said, with a humoristic tone, that he had enjoyed his solitude because he had had the time to read.

“You’ll be surprised how I’ve advanced in my spellwork,” Lupin bragged. Sirius laughed and pointed the fresh scar in his face.

“No doubt about it.”


	2. Throw your fists up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Andromeda-case deepens. Peter speculates about Remus.

“I tell you, I really love being back here,” Sirius said smiling, throwing himself on his bed. Peter jumped on his own bed and watched Sirius tumbling in his sheets.

“I would’ve guessed you live in a palace which’s awesomness we can not even comprehend,” Peter smirked.

“I can assure you, the grim house we live in is the sorriest household there is.”

Peter was pretty sure it was something more posh than his mother’s rowhouse apartment was, but he was happy that he couldn’t call his home grim in any way.

 

A sudden knock on the door interrupted them. It was Caradoc Dearborn, a fifth year and a prefect, standing at the door of their dorm.

“Hey lads. Sorry to bother you, but professor McGonagall requests to see Black at Dumbledore's office.”

“Has something happened, Doc?” asked James, sounding worried. His thoughts were in Andromeda obviously.

“Professor McGonagall will tell Sirius then. Now come on then lad, you’ll get back soon, I’m sure.”

 

Sirius exchanged a look with James and Peter watched their wordless communication. Then Sirius hopped out of his bed and shuffled after Dearborn.

“What’s going on?” Peter asked after the door had closed.

“They’re not shipping him in to Durmstrang aren’t they?” Remus said silently.

“We should’ve made sure Drommie is back in Hogwarts right there when we stepped into the castle,” James scolded.  

“I thought his mom decided to accept that he’s a Gryffindor,” Peter said mainly to Remus, trying to ignore James’ whining after Andromeda.

“We shouldn’t allow him to transfer, I’ve kind of grown fond of him,” Remus said quietly. James agreed and wondered was Andromeda going to Durmstrang in order to escape his family’s wrath.

 

Personally Peter could do without Sirius Black, he was quite sure about it. Despite of being slender, mostly well-mannered and highly educated, Sirius Black needed a lot of space. He had the habit of draining all the attention towards him and sometimes instead of being the brightest star Peter would rather describe him as a black hole that keeps on sucking all the energy out of people surrounding him. Sirius also made some really mean comments Peter wasn’t sure how they were supposed to be taken. Peter had gotten used to it that almost everyone had the urge to make sure he knew that they didn’t know about the Pettigrews. It was okay - he was very well aware of that there were just the two of them. His mother had brought him up alone. But sometimes Sirius talked to him like Sirius thought that Peter wasn’t as good as him. Like Peter was stupid or something. Sure, he wasn’t homeschooled or noble or didn’t know any posh accents like Sirius. But behind all that, it was like Sirius Black had been brought up thinking that life was a predefined accomplishment that you need to fulfill. That’s why he probably had spend his Autumn worrying about what mother Black thinks of his sorting, instead of embracing the feel of freedom, as they all were now living far away from their parents most of the year for the next seven years to come. The thought made Peter grin. Who was now being more stupid one?

 

Remus was exhausted and stayed in his bed when Peter and James went down to the common room to play exploding snap with Frank Longbottom and Marlene McKinnon. Peter actually didn’t like games, he’d rather watched than participated himself but it was a rare treat to enjoy James’ company without Sirius, so he gladly joined in this time.

 

In half an hour Sirius returned. He was always pale, but he had gone a shade paler and his grey eyes were uncharastically worried. James dropped his cards immediately at the sight of Sirius and hastened them back to their dormitory.

 

“Andromeda took off. Ran away. Gone. She hasn’t returned to school,” Sirius said with a blank expression on his face after he had seated on Remus’ bed. They had surrounded Remus that he could rest while still be able to hear Sirius out.

 

James jumped up from the bed and started to pace around the dormitory, looking miserable. Remus tried to mutter something consorting. Peter didn’t know what to say, he agreed with what Sirius had said in the Express, that Andromeda was an adult who knew how to take care of herself. Sirius then continued summing up what had been shared in the headmaster’s office.

“They said they can’t make her come back. No one can, ‘cause she’s an adult. Her boyfriend, the Hufflepuff with a deathwish, is called Edward Tonks. He’s gone too. By Merlin’s balls I swear he’ll be so dead by the time uncle Cygnus gets to point his wand at him. He’s bound to be cruciated till death, I tell you.”

 

All the three other boys shuddered, Peter mostly because he wasn’t sure was Sirius being serious or not about Cruciatus curse. He would totally believe that the Blacks were the kind of family to use the unforgivable curses when it was family honor in question. Sirius then continued.

“Slughorn was there also with Cissy and Malfoy, at the Dumbledore’s office. Malfoy was in rage, he shouted at professor McGonagall that it was the school’s task to keep her in safe, threatened to take the matter to the board of governors and stuff. Professor McGonagall answered that it wasn’t school’s duty to imprison free women. The portrait of Phineas Nigellus Black was just laughing in his frames and said that he knew right from the start that Andromeda was nothing but trouble. I wish he had said that about me too.”

 

“This is serious, Sirius. What’s gonna happen to Andromeda?” James asked earnest. He had stopped the nerve-wrecking pacing and was leaning to the door.

“Our family will try to find her and bring her back. And get rid of Tonks.”

“I thought they kicked her out?” Peter interjected.

“Well yeah in a sudden burst of anger but they cannot disown her because of some school crush, can’t they?”

“How do you bring back an adult that has left volunteerily?” Remus whispered, his eyes closed. Peter was still pretty worried about his friend’s recurring tiredness. Why hadn’t he gotten any rest during the holiday?

 

“I do ensure you, Lupin, my family knows the tricks.”

James clenched his hands into fists.

“There got to be something we can do. We need to fight her parents!”

Sirius shook his head.

“James...you don’t understand. We are just kids. This goes well beyond our grasp. And I’m...I’m not even made up my mind am I angry at her or not.”

“Why would you be angry at her resisting your family’s wicked ways, stupid traditions and being with someone she truly wants to be with?” Remus asked dryly, opening up other one of his eyes, seemingly dwelling on the verge of falling asleep.

“‘Cause she left me. We’re bloody family!”

“Then miss her. Mourn for her,” Remus said, with a softer tone, “but accept her choice.”

“Sirius will,” James said confidently striding to Sirius and drawing him into a big hug, “Sirius will ‘cause he isn’t like his mom.”

“Yeah,” Sirius mumbled against James’ shoulder in the tight embrace, “and Drom would’ve done the same for me.” He withdraw himself from James and sighed mischievously.

“I cannot believe she’d pull that. Running off with a Hufflepuff! I need to marry a squib and live in the muggle way in order to beat her as the whitest sheep of the Black family.”

 

“You are a nutter,” Peter mumbled to himself wondering who in his right mind would even joke about that kind of jokes after all the talk about cruciating the poor Hufflepuff boy. Then he yawned and said louder that he was going to shower. He took his towel and went to the dormitory’s bathroom and closed the door. Although he had acted like he was being pretty indifferent about the whole Black situation, he had to admit to himself that seeing Sirius in such a nervous state had made him feel uneasy too. It was hard to decide was it because he was feeling sympathetic for Sirius or because Sirius’ moods often affected to those around him.

 

Or was it because of Narcissa Black.

 

Peter wouldn’t say he had a crush on her. He was being a pretty realistic person by his nature. Unlike James, he didn’t even joke about being together with her. But he had to admit that he was admiring her. In his eyes Narcissa Black was the dream girl. Gentle, looking after her family dutifully and he was sure she was smart also. She was beautiful. And sometimes she looked so perfect it nearly pained to take eyes off of her. And she played quidditch. It made Peter take an interest in quidditch too.

 

But yes, Peter didn’t plan to marry her. He already knew Narcissa was to wed Sirius’ little brother Regulus. What a waste, Peter thought and cursed the house Black’s traditions and pure-blood fanaticism in his mind. Even though he knew that even without their marriage pact he wasn’t ever going to get a girl like her, he sincerely thought that such a sweet and devoted girl would deserve something better than inbreeding. Though he was quite sure that thousands years of inbreeding had gotten those famous Black cheekbones. Although Narcissa’s weren’t that defined like Sirius’ or her sisters’.

 

He wondered, was Narcissa worried to sick because of Andromeda, or was she like Peter - actually relieved everytime Andromeda exited the scenery.

 

Peter then tried to listen what the other boys were discussing in the dorm. He didn’t hear anything. He was pretty sure they weren’t sitting in silence. He actually knew that the walls and the door were that thick that he wouldn’t hear the conversation.

 

He opened the door a bit - it always let out a terrible creak which made the use of the bathroom awkward at night times when others were sleeping. Remus was still in his bed and James and Sirius were sitting on Sirius’ bed next to Remus’, talking apparently about the colorful events at the Blacks’ Yule soiree where the main topic had been Andromeda Black’s affair with the muggleborn.

“You forgot something, Petey?” James asked interrupting their conversation that was going on. Peter mumbled an excuse quickly.

“I...no, I just thought I forgot my towel but it seems I took it.”

 

He withdrew himself back to the bathroom, closed the door and started to undress. Something had bothered him right from the first night when they had been sitting in the dorm and Remus had gone to brush his teeth. He had closed the door - and he had still been able to hear what they had been talking. How was it possible that Peter didn’t know.

 

But others didn’t hear through the door either. He had tried it. Well with Sirius he didn’t expect it to work but with James. No answer ever. And Remus didn’t seem to hear anymore their sound through the door. Peter was leaning on to his theory, that it had been a spell. He didn’t dare to ask. Remus got himself quite irked if he felt like they were snooping his business. Like the time that Sirius had happened to remember what was the date when Remus had been in the hospital wing - only because it was some Black habit of his to keep on track of the moon phases. And once when Remus had been missing, and they were just wondering was his mother being still sick, Remus had a fit of rage for sticking their noses into his business.

 

Remus was really nice guy and usually pretty quiet and he always stood up for Peter when Sirius was being a jerk but then again Remus had really odd mood swings too. Peter was genuinely worried about him, but he felt it was too hard to show concern towards him because it seemed to rub him the wrong way. And Peter didn’t want to.

 

Peter stepped into the shower and turned it on thinking, that he probably liked the easy-going Potter the best. James was always on a good mood.

 

When not wailing after Andromeda Black at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The irksome snappy Remus can be found in [_The Price for Our Minds_ ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469)  
>  Sirius remembers the date of Remus' absence in chapter 7. _The strangest of all_ and Remus snaps at all the other three boys in chapter 10. _We'll dance in their dark_. The incident of Remus hearing through the bathroom is in chapter 3. _Here shall we live_.


	3. Let their fear collapse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter gets lost and an idea of a map.

“Could you hurry up, I’m hungry,” Sirius grunted when Peter peeked between the curtains of his four-poster. Peter was instantly annoyed as for the first deed of the new morrow. All the other boys were dressed up in their school robes already. Remus seemed to have gotten better. The scar was still screaming red, but he was fully wake and didn’t look exhausted.

 

The conversation was still twirling around the Black family drama as Sirius was giving a detailed description how overly mortified Lucius Malfoy had been at the Blacks’ Yule soiree and how Sirius' eldest cousin Bellatrix had gotten Malfoy to drink a couple too many firewhiskeys on purpose and how drunk he had eventually been, wallowing the rest of the Yule night that no witch had ever insulted him like Andromeda. Finally Narcissa had tucked him away in the guest room.

 

“Well good morning to you too,” Peter snarled back as he hopped out of his bed. Remus and James mumbled their goodmornings to him.

“You go ahead. I’m a big boy, I can find my way,” he said and scuffed to the toilet. At first he took a good look at the bathroom mirror with his blue eyes and grimaced from the bottom of his heart and took a fistful of his brown hair in both of his hands. Why did Sirius have to be so irritating right from the start of the morning? He let go of his hair, brushed his teeth and gave a refreshing splash of water on his round cheeks.

 

Fifteen minutes later he had dressed up in his school robes and he was running down the staircase. He could already feel the hunger in his stomach and he couldn’t wait to be at the delicious breakfast table of Hogwarts. Of course his mother had put up really nice dishes for the holiday, both for celebration and to pamper his only boy who was visiting, but there was still some special allure to choose from the plentiful selection in the Great Hall, having friends around and to listen to all the conversations and japes going on. Hogwarts was the best thing that had happened in his life. Like probably for the most of the kids, Peter assumed.

 

Suddenly Peter realized he wasn’t where he was supposed to be. Had he been going in the wrong direction. Or had the stairs changed somehow? Sometimes it felt like the whole castle arranged itself somehow differently. Peter took a map out of his robes’ pocket. They had gotten vague maps of the castle from professor McGonagall when they had had their orientation on the very first school day. It was unbelievable that he had been attending the school already for half a year and he still managed to get lost in the castle.

 

The worst of all would be Sirius Black’s face when he would learn that Peter got lost. _‘I’m a big boy, I can find my way,’_ Peter had told the other boys half an hour ago. Peter was already feeling mortified. He wouldn’t hear the end of it.

 

The map was no use. Peter was now sure that the staircase had changed somehow. It was like the map didn’t hold true. He crumpled the map and stick it back into his pocket. He had to find his own way, or maybe there were friendly portraits that could tell him which way to go.

 

“Peekaboo!” shrieked Peeves, who had just emerged from somewhere. The restless and vicious poltergeist was something Peter couldn’t stand. Peter didn’t understand why the headmaster let the poltergeist inhabit the school. He was always throwing something at the pupils or pestering some other ways, sometimes even threatening their health. It was no wonder Peter was nearly fearing for his life everytime the rowdy poltergeist showed up. This time it was no different.

“Thumbs up for some thumbtacks!” the poltergeist snickered and before Peter could even anticipate what was about to come the ghost started to throw little thumbtacks at Peter. They just hit him and fell down on the floor, scattering around Peter.

“Err...is this suppose to be funny? Why do you even bother?” Peter asked, annoyed. There was no point on throwing those things at him, of course they wouldn’t stick.

“Oh but these are magical thumbtacks!” Peeves laughed maniacally while doing a somersault in the air and suddenly the little pins seemed to become alive. Just like an angry swarm of bees they formed themselves as a tight crowd and shot towards Peter.

“Yikes!” he yelped as he ducked cover, his mind thinking wildly was there any peculiar spell he should use in this situation. Luckily someone came to his rescue.

 

“Peeves!” boomed a deep male voice that belonged to the professor Slughorn. The professor did some counter-incantation and the thumbtacks dropped to the ground and scattered around just like they’d be normal thumbtacks. Peeves burst into a laughter before shooting through the ceiling.

“Dear Merlin, mr Patgreen! Are you alright?”

Peter nodded to his potions teacher. It was irritating that he still couldn’t get his name right.

“Aren’t we lucky that pesk took off so eagerly for once. But why are you wandering around here all by yourself? Are you looking for something?”

Peter nodded again.

“Yes, professor. Breakfast.”

“I see, but the breakfast is served in the Great Hall,” professor Slughorn remarked like Peter was an imbecile. Peter resisted the urge to snarl back.

“I have a feeling those stairs might have done some tricks,” he forced himself to explain calmly. Professor Slughorn laughed wholeheartedly at his explanation.

“You are so right there mr. Pentigrow. You just never know about those stairs.”

Peter was raging inwardly. If the stupid castle really was changing all the time, then the map should be animated to make it useful. He was really furious that wizards weren’t using their magic in worthwhile inventions. Of course portraits would be able to blabber and photos were moving but you couldn’t get provided with an accurant map in a school that was located in a treacherous castle.

 

“Hmm, are you really alright mr Pedigree? Let’s get you back on your route again, shall we. Take that door and turn left, there you’ll find a staircase which isn’t able to move. You’ll end up in the Entrance Hall. Now off you go,” he hurried himself towards some hallway, but before he entered, he turned.

“Oh but mr Pattyglee! How are your poems coming together? I am still waiting for to hear your masterpiece.”

Peter sighed deeply. Professor Horace Slughorn couldn’t be able to memorize his name correctly but he still remembered this stupid detail about him. It was all actually James Potter’s doings. James had said in the very first potion class, that Peter’s special talent was writing poems.

 

Of course James was meaning well. Both he and James, and probably all the Gryffindor first graders and also the Slytherins with no remarkable heritage, had been annoyed by professor Slughorn’s going-ons about notable families and famous family members. James, who himself was actually of notable heritage, had stood up for Peter. Said that Peter was the one who’s gonna make the Pettigrews great. It had felt good. Peter cherished that thought almost every day. It also had made him appreciate James Potter in a way he hadn’t appreciated any friends before.

 

But the dark side was that the professor kept on asking for the poem. And poetry most certainly was not his cup of tea.

 

“Erhm, well, I...it’s just…”

Professor Slughorn raised his hand to stop Peter’s stammering. Then he winked his lively eye at him.

“I know you lot. The artists! Never feeling accomplished at their own work. Let you friends - mr Black and mr Potter for example, such fine young lads there - take a glance and pick something on behalf of you. I’m sure they’ve got an excellent taste.”

He turned to leave already, but decided to turn back again.

“Now that there is a speak of mr Potter and mr Black...could you tell them for me that the Slug Club is dearly missing them and that it would be such a great pleasure if they could come to the upcoming Candlemas supper.”

Peter nodded, although he knew they wouldn’t. Sirius had attended the Slug Club only in order to avoid transferring to Durmstrang, and James had accompanied him. And now that it seemed like Sirius’ mother had calmed down about Sirius being a Gryffindor the boys didn’t find any reasons to attend the meetings. Unbeknown to all this the professor smiled at Peter’s nod.

“Right then, see you on Wednesday at potions!” He turned and left. Peter waited for a second to make sure the professor wouldn’t turn back for the third time. Then he picked up the thumbtacks and shoved them into his pocket. There was going to be a way to get them alive again, he was quite sure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first potions' class happens in the chapter six _But who knows?_ of [The Price for Our Minds ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469).


	4. Blinded by the lights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A letter from Andromeda and more trouble for Peter.

Luckily Slughorn’s remembrance of staircases was better than his memory with never-heard -names. Peter got to the Entrance Hall. When he appeared to the breakfast table, no one seemed to care why it had taken so long to come to the downstairs.

“Got held up by Peeves,” he said while he seated himself, but no one listened. Remus and James were looking at Sirius and frowning. Sirius was staring at a letter with an incredulous expression on his face. After minutes of intensive staring he swore heavily and threw the letter on the table. He stood up in a hot-blooded manner and stormed to the Slytherin table. Narcissa Black, looking fair and erie as an angel even in the midst of the crisis their family was going through, stood up and the Black cousins engaged in a heated argument. Peter, Remus and James peered over the letter to read it.

 

_ “Hello Sirius! _

 

_ We are safe. I won’t tell you more so they won’t get it out of you when they crucio you to find the mudblood that smudged the noble and most pompous Black family.” _

 

Now Sirius’ voice was booming in the Great Hall as he called Narcissa with all kinds unflattering names. Every now and then Narcissa tried to interject something but her cousin’s fury was just too much. Peter hadn’t ever seen Sirius so out of control. At this point it was very clear to Peter that Sirius Black cared very much for his family, at least for this Andromeda-cousin.

 

_ “Yes, I had an affair with my schoolmate Ted. Now we are married. Can you believe it, we eloped! I am sorry we couldn’t invite you to the wedding. I would’ve loved to have you and Reg there.” _

 

Finally Narcissa had gathered herself and succeeded to tone Sirius down with some well aimed insults about him being such a pain in the ass with his adventures in Gryffindor, blaming that it was Sirius’ fault that no one noticed poor Andromeda when she needed her family’s support. It was outrageous and didn’t make much of sense, but Peter was sure both Black cousin’s had gone way past the point of being reasonable.

 

_ “I know, that you know, that I wasn’t ever going to marry Lucius. You know, as I know also, that Lucius knew it too. But Cissy was too eager. You see, she has her eyes set on Malfoy - whether it’s the grand Malfoy manor or the creepy man himself I truly do not know. Cissy couldn’t wait to get rid of me. So you see, she spied on me for our father. She got us caught, and she betrayed me by telling the Malfoys and my father about me and Ted. “ _

 

Peter thought back the Autumn. Suddenly every odd detail made sense: how Malfoy had been so easy-going about Andromeda’s insults and acts towards him, and how the four boys had countered Andromeda sneaking in Hufflepuff crowd dressed as a one. And Narcissa’s keen will to pay attention towards Lucius also seemed to back up Andromeda’s theory. 

 

_ “I hope she marries Lucius and every morning when she wakes as mrs Malfoy she remembers what she did to get it. I would’ve gladly given the jerk to her if she just had asked. _

 

_ What about Bella, you might ask, what does ol’ Bella think of it. Nothing! She is reduced to a raging maniac, I tell you. Nice little fanatic religion they have build themselves there and I am afraid that she has plans for you and baby-Reg. I won’t be missing her. _

 

_ Dear cousin, when they come for you, don’t bend in front of them. I know it sounds a lot but you’re starting to become a man and you need to figure out what kind of a man you are going to be. And I can not be there for you.” _

 

Now Narcissa’s two girlfriends joined in, shouting at Sirius to leave Narcissa out of his rage. 

 

_ “Don’t you dare to feel sorry for me. Be happy for me. After 18 years of blackness I am finally full of light. I knew right from the start I had to leave in order to be with Ted. I didn’t choose to be a Black but I sure as hell did choose to be a Tonks.“ _

 

Lucius Malfoy bursted into the Great Hall, some older Slytherin students trailing him. That was the sign for James to stand up and join the argument to defend his best mate. 

 

_ “Someday they all will be gone and we don’t need to hide ourselves. Keep your head high, cousin. _

 

_ I love you,  _

_ Andromeda TONKS” _

 

Peter whistled. It really was something. But now so many weird things made so much more sense.

 

Sirius and James came back. Professor Flitwick had interrupted and separated the cousins and probably taken some house points from both of the Black cousins. 

 

“So, you said her parents won’t disown her for a school crush. How about for a husband?” Peter snickered but Sirius didn’t laugh. Instead, without a warning, he drew his wand out with a swift and elegant movement and pointed it towards Peter and shot a hex that knocked Peter backwards and made him see stars.

“What a - HECK - Sirius, what a heck?!” Peter yelled while climbing up from the floor. He never enjoyed using strong words such as these but now Sirius had really gotten over the line. 

“You need to cool down, both of you,” James said, placing hand to Sirius’ wand hand, slowly directing it down. Sirius really kept teachers busy this morning. Now it was professor McGonagall that was coming at their way.

“What is the meaning of this? Other than 10 points from Gryffindor because of rioting! Don’t you tell me Sirius Black that you lifted your wand towards your housemate? Detention! Report to my office in the afternoon.” 

Then professor McGonagall’s sharp eyes turned to Remus Lupin, her iron stare studying the huge scar in his face.

“Mr Lupin, you are going straight to Madam Pomfrey’s, young man. That should’ve been nursed last night already! Five points from Gryffindor because of such carelessness!”

And with that McGonagall strode away and Remus stood up and left for hospital wing immediately without even finishing his breakfast. Peter couldn’t help but wonder, why she didn’t ask why Remus had such a gruesome scar in his face after Holiday leave. 

 

“My sincere apologies, I shouldn’t have done it,” Sirius said, with that distant aristocratic tone, that made Peter feel like it was just a shallow act with no true meaning inside it. Sirius then stood up and explained that he wasn't feeling quite like himself and excused himself.

 

Peter nodded, being happy to see him exit the Great Hall. He was totally agreeing that Sirius Black shouldn’t have done it. It was pretty too much for Peter to get into trouble with Peeves and Sirius Black in the same morning and already before he had had any breakfast.


	5. Feed the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter keeps on running into trouble.

Peter was forced to admit that his brains weren’t able to concentrate anymore. Maybe it was the silent atmosphere of the library or maybe the history of magic was the most boring subject of all times. James and Remus wanted to continue studies when Peter decided to call it a night. The three of them had had quite a productive essay writing session, mainly because it was the evening Sirius was serving his well-earned detention. Peter grinned at his thought.

 

While at the Entrance Hall he had an idea to check out the kitchen. He and James had heard from the older students that the house elves were generous, and after such a long studying session some snacking felt like a great idea. He was hopping down the stairs, being still a bit of afraid that he would get again lost with the moving staircase. There got to be a way to animate the stairs’ movement to a map. Just like the photographs were also moving.

 

“Well well, what do we have here?” Peter heard a girl’s voice call out with a cunning singing tone. He knew too well that the unpleasant voice belonged to a dark-skinned witch with a platinum hair, mean eyes and sharp pointy nose. Deborah Burke. Probably the three other first-year Slytherin girls were trailing her.

 

Peter grimaced and slowly turned around to face the girls. To his surprise it seemed the whole class of first-year Slytherins were crowding there, not just the girls. The Slytherin common room was probably located somewhere nearby.

“A poor lonely Gryffindor, why are you wandering down here? Don’t you know it’s little Gryffindors’ bedtime already?”

Deborah Burke’s insults were always simply stupid. Peter had no idea why the other Slytherins laughed. It wasn’t a smart jape by any means, not even funny. But Peter didn’t say it out loud. He was alone and he didn’t know what to do. James would have called them back, Peter was sure. But he wasn’t James. Deborah Burke drew her wand out and knocked Peter down with a hex. Peter was sure it was the same hex Sirius had previously used on him. He was cursing in his aching head that the pure-blood brats probably were taught to play with jinxes and hexes instead of normal toys. At least if you were from a family that was leaning towards the dark arts. And the Blacks and the Burkes most definitely were.

 

She and the others approached him, chuckling.

“If he bothers you I can finish him,” said one of the boys Peter remembered from their joined potion class. Mulciber. He didn’t seem that genius kid. Apparently Burke felt the same.

“You know Mulciber, shut up for once. Look at that pathetic worm squirming at my feet, then take a good look at this,” she gestured first towards Peter and then towards herself, “I’m an adder about to devour that sorry thing. Get back there with that,” she barked pointing the thin raven haired boy Peter recognized to be the greasy Slytherin boy who was sitting with Lily Evans at potions. Snape.

“Where was I? Oh yes, what should we do with -”

“Debbie, he’s with me,” the voice of Sirius Black said, with that cool aristocratic tone Sirius used when he was playing the role of Black heir. Sirius emerged behind the corner and stopped between Peter and Burke.

 

“Sirius,” Burke cried out with a voice mixture of surprise, please and irritation. She withdrew her wand anyway. All the Slytherin girls started to giggle nervously. Was it some unnecessary eyelash fluttering Peter was detecting from them?

“We were just playing with Pottygrew, weren’t we? Mulciber love, help mr Potty up, will you?”

Mulciber let out a groan but scuffed next to Peter and offered a hand. Peter didn’t take it but stood up on his own.

 

Sirius eyed Mulciber with an amusement in his eyes. Then he turned to Peter.

“You alright, Pete?” Peter nodded. It was amazing how all the first grader Slytherins had flinched when Sirius had snapped his fingers. It must be some kind of pure-blood family hierarchy or other nonsense Peter wasn’t familiar with.

“You know Debbie, you should take it out on people that really suck. Like that Snivellus over there, you see?” Sirius was pointing Snape in the back of the crowd. All the Slytherin first graders turned to look at him.

“What about him?” Debbie turned her dark eyes back at Sirius, tilting her head a bit. Was that flirting Peter was witnessing?

“Half-mud,” Sirius mouthed without voice. He didn’t need to say it out loud, it seemed to be a pair of words Deborah Burke was familiar enough to read from his lips. The other Slytherins turned their vicious eyes back at Snape, who was obviously understanding what was it about.

“My mother is a Prince!” he defied. Sirius let out a dry laughter and all the Slytherins darted their eyes back to him.

“A fallen house, that is. With a muggle father. I just checked while at holidays. That explains many wicked things about him, doesn’t it?”

 

Peter shivered. Peter could be a half-blood. Remus surely was a half-blood. Sirius shouldn’t be talking like that. Peter had a vague memory of James disliking that Snape boy for some reason, but Peter was surprised that Sirius had done this background checking about Snape. Was Sirius that desperate to impress James? In Peter’s opinion those two were pretty impressed by each other already. Or could there still be some of his twisted family’s values buried deep inside of Sirius Black? At least Peter wanted to believe that James wouldn’t be impressed at all by this way of acting.

 

“A half-blood huh?” The boy closest to Burke Peter recognized as Daemon Avery asked. Snape looked at floor and was blushing. He nodded.

“My family loathes muggles,” Mulciber spat, with a tone that at least in Peter’s ears was somewhat overdone. Mulciber was eagerly giving looks at Sirius like he was begging for his approval. Peter scoffed mentally at him thinking he was the saddest Slytherin he had ever seen.

“Okay. Mulciber, you were so keen on helping me, you do the honors so I don’t have to mess my wand,” Burke giggled.

“No, let me,” Sirius said and pulled out his wand. With a swift wand movement and incantation of _‘flipendo’_ he knocked Snape down and hexed him with stinging hex. It looked painful. Snape was crying out on the floor as his eyelids started to swell.

“Oh try a little Snivellus, this is more boring than my detention was,” Sirius teased when the other Slytherins began to laugh at Snape. With another elegant wand movement and barely audible incantation Sirius made Snape roll around the floor, steering him into the feet of Mulciber and Mulciber was downed to ground on top of Severus. The standing Slytherins laughed even more.

“Taking a mud bath there, Amadeus?” some Slytherin girl laughed.

 

Peter felt queasy. He had a feeling he didn’t want to be there.

“We should leave, Sirius,” he said so quietly only Sirius was able to hear it. Sirius was snickering with the Slytherins. He nodded to Peter.

“Yeah. Nice tumble there Amadeus. Debbie, Daemon, see you later,” he greeted and then turned and followed Peter. Peter was feeling distressed because of what had happened. Something in the back of his head was nagging to him, that if he hadn’t happened to be sorted in Gryffindor with Sirius Black, he wouldn’t had the privilege to survive the Slytherins this easily. If the hat had sorted him in Slytherin - as it was planning to do - it would’ve been he instead of Snape rolling in the ground and getting the taste of hexes.

 

Peter felt like he had to choose. Whether he was embracing the perks that came with being the friend of Sirius Black, or he would tell Sirius off. In a way Peter understood that Sirius had been feeding fuel to the Slytherins in order to accomplish something...well something he probably considered as a greater good but was it worth it? No one couldn’t help their purity of blood and mud-jokes weren’t funny, they were repulsive.

 

“You okay Peter? I see smoke coming out of your ears, don’t think too much eh?”

There it was again. A stupid quip about him not being as clever as Sirius.

“Thank you,” he murmured, both as a sarcastic answer for Sirius’ unhelpful advice not to think too much and as a sincere thanks for getting him off the hook. But still, it felt like he had just witnessed something wrong.

“Why do they take orders from you?” Peter challenged.

“They don’t,” Sirius laughed, “it’s just that I'm a Black. Burke and Avery are notable families, we meet at the family soirees and we are expected to get along. Mulcibers too have emerged from somewhere although they have no notable heritage.”

Peter noticed that he felt irritated that Sirius could keep on track on those heritages and families and all that. Sirius cared about that stuff, didn’t he?

“You mean Mulcibers don’t have that sickly inbred blood for marrying cousins only,” Peter concluded. Sirius laughed at his jape, wholeheartedly. It made Peter feel oddly good. Equal.

 

They climbed to the Gryffindor tower, Peter was explaining his ideas of animated map because of the staircase. Sirius seemed really interested, starting to think what kind of spellwork was needed in order to make it. They climbed through the portrait door to find James and Remus in the common room.

“We were worried about you!” James exclaimed at the sight of them.

“Thanks for thinking me, the detention was just awful” Sirius grinned seating himself on the sofa next to Remus, ranting on about Flinch, but Remus interrupted him.

“Not you Sirius but Peter!”

“Peter indeed ran into some Slytherins…”

 

Peter closed his eyes. He wished Sirius didn’t tell them.


	6. Break your vision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and James learn about Sirius' "prank" on Snape.

“I will revenge everything to the Slytherins,” James grunted squeezing his hands into tight fists, “no Slytherin scum will tease my boy Petey when his having a stroll alone in the castle!”

“But wait for the best part! I actually hexed Snape right there in front of their eyes!” Sirius bragged, twirling his wand smugly between his fingers. James laughed with Sirius. Peter couldn’t help but think how cruel it would feel if some Slytherin had hexed him and all of his housemates would just stand there laughing at him, not standing up for him. Why couldn’t Slytherins be nice to each other at least.

“Oh you did? Haha Snivellus. What kind of hex?” James wanted eagerly to know all the details. “How were you able to pull it?”

“I just made sure they knew he’s a half-blood that comes from a fallen wizard house, that’s all. And the Slytherins went for it,” Sirius smirked, but no one laughed with him anymore.

 

Remus went into a gloom mood and stood up.

“I’m turning in, good night gentlemen.”

“Remus, NO you don’t. Don’t go,” Sirius said immediately and grabbed his wrist but Remus jerked it free.

“It was just a joke to get Snivelly there into trouble!” Sirius explained and looked at James for back up but James was avoiding his glance. Peter was feeling relieved that James either didn’t have stomach for this kind of jokes.

 

After realizing no aid was coming at his way from James, Sirius turned back to Remus, who was standing there next to the sofa his arms folded, looking accusatory.

“I didn’t mean it, Remus. You should know I’m not like that.”

“Maybe Sirius you’re not, but you are helping to make attitudes to grow worse!” Remus answered with a tensed tone, then speaking more to Peter and James than to Sirius.

“If people are allowing this kind of speech in this school--”

“I’m not allowing anything,” Sirius interrupted, “I just took advantages of something I knew was there. Look Remus, I was just trying to make Snape suffer.”

“Well you hurt me too,” Lupin said, turning his eyes at the ceiling, like he fighting back tears, “hopefully it was worth it, Sirius.”

 

Everybody was in silence for a moment. Then Sirius snorted noisily and looked again at Potter, like his eyes were inquiring something out of his best mate. But James was also seemingly troubled by the situation. Finally Sirius turned to Peter.

“Well? You say something, you were there. Was it really that bad? I saved your ass for Merlin’s sake!”

Peter was staring at his shoes. He hadn’t yet come to conclusion whether to accept Sirius or condemn his prank. Sirius understood he wasn’t going to get support from Peter either. He turned back to Remus, throwing his hands up in a frustrated manner.

“Do you have to be so sensitive?”

“Oh no you don’t Sirius - don’t blame it on me, that you privileged brat get to spread racist slurs and it’s  _my fault_ if I take offend --”

“Lupin! I don’t believe in these maniac pure-blood visions at all, I’ve told you thousand times!”

“But you feed the cause! Wars begin with indifference, fear and apathy growing instead of taking action. And finally,” Remus preached eyeing gloomily at all the three boys, “when people realize it, things have gotten too far and they’re too scared to take action.”

“Word, Remus,” James said silently. Peter lifted his imaginary hat for Remus in his mind, he was thinking really advanced stuff.

“I didn’t choose my blood either and I just used this --” Sirius still tried to defy, but Remus interjected him, now seemingly upset.

“You have no idea what other people have going on in their blood!” Remus was shouting the last words at Sirius, now completely lost his restraint. That startled Sirius and the other two boys too. Other Gryffindors turned to look at them also, just in time to see Sirius pleading forgiveness.

“I am sorry--”

But Remus didn’t hear, he ran to the dorm and Sirius didn’t dare to follow him. Other Gryffindors were buzzing and whispering about them. The three boys were sitting in silence for some time before one at the time they lingered to the dorm room. Peter went in as the last. But despite of being tired he didn’t feel like sleeping at all anymore.

 

So Peter wasn’t surprised that he didn’t get sleep after he had sneaked in to the dorm and slipped between his sheets. He was still debating in his head whether to accept Sirius Black’s friendship and the perks or stand up to his jerkness like Remus.

 

Peter heard someone open the bed drapes and step out of his bed on to the floor.

“James,” Sirius’ hoarse voice whispered. James answered. Sirius asked could he come in, and afterwards Peter heard him to climb into James’ bed. Peter was quite sure they thought he was sleeping. Remus at least was snoring.

 

“Was I being prejudiced?” Peter heard Sirius ask.

“Was I being a jerk?”

“Should I apologize?”

 

Peter believed that James nodded in every case. At least Sirius was trying to be a better person, he had to give him that. Peter understood that it wasn’t easy to stand up against the values you had been brought up. Most people never did, they just accepted what was given to them.

 

Peter didn’t. His mother had brought him up alone, always saying that the ordinary life would be the best and suited for them. That they weren’t the fancy people. But Peter kind of wanted more. He wasn’t contemplated just getting a job and a family. He wanted to be something. The one to make Pettigrews great. And he had a feeling he was going to be that one. That he was on the right track of it.

 

“It seems it’s not easy to decide what’s right and wrong. What do I understand what other people care and whatnot,” Peter heard Sirius ramble to James.

“I guess that being able to choose whether to care or not, is the privilege Remus was going on about. You see, he can’t choose whether he cares or not how half-bloods are being treated. He needs to care, unlike us. Unless...unless Remus is our true friend, then we have to care too.”

Peter heard Sirius sigh.

 

Peter wondered why it was Sirius and James who had become the best of mates in this short period of time. Peter thought that he himself would have been a better match for James. Peter definitely was smarter than Sirius. Not in a school nerd way but he understood better than to imply someone’s blood status was inferior to others, even for a sake of a prank.

 

“You know that many Potters have married muggles? I don’t understand why we are considered as a pure-blood family,” Peter heard James talk.

“Well someone knew for Potters aren’t featured among the  _sacred twenty-eight_ ,” Sirius answered. They chuckled.

“I guess it’s my grandpa Henry who’s to thank that we’re not the 29th sacred family. He wanted to help muggles.”

“Yeah, sounds like a filthy blood traitor to me,” Sirius japed and the boys giggled again, but soon James’ giggle turned into a sob.

“Your cousin used to call me a blood traitor.”

“Drom called you once a blood traitor and it was a joke.”

“Yeah. But still it was the sweetest thing she’d said to me at that point.”

“It was the only thing she had said to you at that point,” Sirius answered dryly, then continuing with the previous topic.

“There have also been Blacks who’ve married muggles back in the days. But they were just removed from the family-tree. Blasted off from the tapestry. Such are the cleaning methods of a  _toujours pur_ -family.”

“Is that what awaits for Andromeda?” James asked silently. Peter guessed Sirius was nodding to James.

“Andromeda is doing fine. She’s happy. She does what she pleases.”

“She should be an inspiration to you, Sirius.”

“She is.”

“So you’ll be cutting that pure-blood-stuff even if you’d use it to tease Snivellus?”

“I will. And I’ll protect half-bloods till the end. Just to make the world a better place for Drom’s and that muggle hubby’s of hers future kids.”

Peter heard James whimper.

“What are you sulking? Don’t say you’re still not over about my cousin? You bastard!”

“Yeah...I was just having a vision how beautiful kids we would have. A little girl with her eyes and my olive skin and...”

“No, no. Stop visioning, immediately. You are not making babies with my cousin, Potter. Not any of them!”

 

There was a silence for a while and Peter was finally starting to feel like he could soon fall asleep. Peter noticed his thoughts had sneaked to Narcissa Black. He was wondering if she’d be married to Malfoy then. He hoped for it, because it would be nicer than being wed with your own cousin. And more healthier for their kids. And it would probably make her happy.

 

“So tomorrow you’ll apologize..?” Peter heard James ask from Sirius.

“Yeah. From Remus but not from Snape.”

“Of course not from Snape. That would be too much.”

At this point Peter dozed off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Andromeda calls James a blood traitor in [The Price for Our Minds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34437062) chapter 9 _[They'll play with our lives](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34889579)_.


	7. When worlds collide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter and Sirius have a confrontation.

Peter was now about to punch Sirius Black.

“They’re mine. I’ll set the rules, Sirius.”

For once this way,  _ I _ get to decide instead of just following others, Peter thought in his mind.

“James would want to. James will want to.”

“Sirius, I said no.”

“You won’t get them to move without me, Pettigrew.”

 

Peter clenched his fists. Was that again some sort of slander? Yes it was. It had been a mistake to ask Sirius Black’s help.

 

They were bickering in the empty common room of Gryffindors. Remus had gotten a leave out of school for there was something wrong with his mother, again. James was tutoring Stebbins with flying and the girls were somewhere, older pupils probably still had lessons. Peter had just remembered the thumbtacks he had collected after Peeves’ assault. They were staring at them and trying to figure out how to get them moving again.

 

Sirius was furious with Narcissa for betraying her sister, who obviously was Sirius’ favorite cousin. Sirius was willing to send the thumbtacks after her, but Peter didn’t want to. After all, it was Narcissa Black, and there was something in her that held Peter back.

“It was your uncle’s and mother’s doings, not your cousin’s.”

“Well she helped pretty much, didn’t she?” Sirius snapped back at Peter, “And what’s here innit for you? You think that saving her from a stupid prank would earn you a date with her? Well think again.”

 

It was the third time within minutes he wanted to punch Sirius. The muggle way. Right in that delicate nose of his.

“No, I don’t want to go to a date with your cousin. Why are you always so mean to me, Sirius?”

“I’m not being mean, you’re just being sissy about everything.”

Peter rolled his eyes, collected the thumbtacks and put them in his pocket.

“Fine, Sirius. I thought that maybe asking you straightforward would get us somewhere but it seems you’re just too in love with yourself to care.”

Sirius watched Peter with a surprised face, just for an eye blick, but it definitely was there. Being honest, Peter had surprised himself too. He was feeling quite bold today. Had someone put something in his drink or what was going on, he wondered.

“Okay, Peter, okay. If you insist,” Sirius said and stood up. He walked around in anxious pace for few seconds before he stopped and turned to Peter.

“There’s just something off in you. What it is, I cannot put my finger on it, but sometimes you irritate me. That’s what you wanted to hear?”

 

Peter thought what Sirius had said. He didn’t want to hear it, but to be honest he hadn’t expected Sirius to answer him anything. 

“Do you find me irritating because I am not from a fancy family?” Peter heard himself asking. He immediately mentally kicked himself to the ankle. He didn’t want Sirius to know that his behaviour and vile comments had gotten under his skin.

“Oh please Peter no. I don’t know who the heck Pettigrews are but I know you. That’s the only thing I care about. I know all the bloody Averys and I’m not fond of any of them. You understand?”

Peter nodded, approvingly. Sirius then started to pace again. It was funny how same kind Sirius and James sometimes appeared. James too had that tendency to pace around restlessly when something was bothering his nerves. 

 

“My turn to ask, Peter,” Sirius said suddenly, fixing his cold gray eyes at Peter's blue stare, “do you think that I don’t know that you envy me and my heritage? You piece of wanna-be-slytherin.”

“W-what?”

Peter looked at Sirius amazed. Black had some nerve! Peter felt the sudden urge to make Sirius see how obnoxious he was being. Peter was regretting he had shared with the other boys that the sorting hat had tried to put him into Slytherin, although it wasn’t the thing that bothered him in Sirius’ accusations. But it was the thing that could be used as a weapon against Sirius. 

“I didn’t wanna be a Slytherin,” Peter defended himself before challenging Sirius, “the hat did ponder some time should I go there. I think that you actually envy me because I’m more of a Slytherin than you.”

Peter was trying to keep his face calm while letting his words sink in Sirius. Sirius let out a laughter, that sounded somewhat dry and pretentious in Peter’s ear. Then Sirius shook his head.

“Meh, I don’t. But your envy is just so obvious.”

It seemed that Peter’s charge had none or very mild impacts to Sirius. Peter could do better.

“You’re such a smug lad, Black, anyone ever told you? Why would anyone in their right mind want to be a Black?  _ Sirius Black  _ especially, the heir of an ancient family that chooses to dwell in the past and refuses to wake up and smell the present day.”

 

Finally it was Sirius’ turn to look like he wanted to hit Peter. Peter felt defiant. He wasn’t scared of Sirius at all, after he had seen James backing up Lupin instead of Sirius the other night in the common room, when Remus had gone mad about Sirius’ blood status based bullying of Snape. Peter knew that if Sirius would hex him again it would only alienate him more from the others. But soon Sirius’ expression changed from angry to surrendering.

“Right then, you have a point. A surprisingly valid point, Pettigrew.”

Sirius started to pace again. And Peter didn’t have the urge to charge against Sirius anymore.

 

Now finally Peter could admit to himself, and only to himself, that probably it wasn’t absolutely untrue to say that he envied Sirius Black. In a way, why not. Sirius was good-looking lad with wits and talent, his family was rich and based on the encounters with Slytherins the girls fancied him and the boys wanted to be him. Peter thought himself purely as pragmatic. If he had been given the money, the fame, the family and the name Sirius Black had, he certainly would had made a good use for it. Was it envy? Peter wasn’t sure what it was. Sometimes he just thought Sirius was wasting his heritage by falling out with his family. And sometimes even Peter himself was afraid that he was envious of Sirius Black. 

 

“You might also have a point,” Peter admitted slyly. Sirius stopped and looked anticipating at Peter. With a deep sigh Peter revealed his family secret. He wouldn’t have thought to pour it to Sirius as first of his new mates. 

“Do you want to know why no one has heard of the Pettigrews? Because there are no other Pettigrews but me and my mother. My mom made it up.”

Sirius blinked at Peter. 

“You could do that?” Sirius seemed doubtful. Peter nodded. Sirius took a chair and drew it next to Peter and sat on it, staring intensely in Peter’s eyes. 

“So yeah. I come from a very different world than you. I know nothing about having a tapestry full of dead relatives. We are like the complete opposite of you.”

“That is so cool,” Sirius said in honest awe. Peter felt the first time someone was interested his heritage and origins, and it felt so good he nearly started to feel guilty about it. Although it also felt a bit creepy because their faces were only inches away from each other. Didn’t Sirius have any concept of personal space? 

 

Sirius stood up and started to pace around again. Soon he stopped and looked at Peter enthusiastically.

“It’s like making your own clan. Like right from the scratch. Blimey, Peter, I didn’t know. It’s brilliant! Like so so so cool it’s me who envies you now. No burden of your family’s name,” he figured, “bloody marvellous.” Then he thought and asked.

“What about your father then?”

 

Peter sighed. He’d knew that at some point it would go into this. And that he needed to tell others. 

“I don’t have one,” he shrugged.

Sirius laughed.

“Everyone does! It’s not like mothers can procreate by themselves!”

Peter agreed. He didn’t know any other kids brought up by single parent, although he had played his childhood both with magical and muggle kids. Of course he knew that some kids had their other parent or even both death. He had made up millions different scenarios about why he didn’t have a father. But none of the scenarios he had made up explained why his mother wanted to keep it as a secret from him or why she had isolated herself from her family. 

“She promised to tell me about my father when I’m old enough.”

“Pete, you are old enough,” Sirius said quietly. Peter smiled at him gratefully. It felt good that he supported him.

 

“So, your mother. What’s she like? Does she like you?”

Peter blinked at the question.

“Of course she likes me. Mothers love their children!”

“Not necessary. At least in our family,” Sirius said gloomily, “children are something vile that has to be groomed into a decent being, just to produce more vile creatures that need to be tormented.” Sirius sighed and continued: “I know all the things my mother hates about me but not a single one she’s proud of me.”

Sirius was fondling the silvery snake necklace that was dangling against his collarbone. His parents had sent it him as his 12th birthday gift. It had always striked odd to Peter that it was a silvery snake instead of a golden lion. Sirius was, after all, a Gryffindor, not a Slytherin.

 

They were sitting in silence again for a moment. Then Peter cleared his throat. 

“You know, you don’t have to tell them everything. To your parents, I mean.”

Sirius shook his head.

“If you only knew my mother, Pete, you wouldn’t say that.” 

But Peter insisted.

“It’s okay that you are different than your parents. We are learning to be independent of them, that’s like the whole point of upbringing. My mom would probably worry about me going around with a Black boy. I just don’t tell her, I’m old enough to choose my own company.”

“And why would she worry? I’m adorable,” Sirius asked with that dry flat tone of his, missing obviously the point Peter’s speech.

“Because Blacks are remembered to trying to pass a legislate to hunt down muggles. We live in a muggle neighbourhood and I've had plenty of muggle friends too. We're all humans, you know. We support equal rights to all humans.”

Sirius grunted.

“Fair enough. I guess I do support too.”

“No problem then, I can introduce you to my mother. The Black name is as much yours as it’s your crazy mom’s. Start making it the name you want it to be. Just like I am going to be the one who makes the Pettigrews known.”

Sirius was silent for a while before flashing a wide grin.

“Pettigrew, sometimes you’re a genius.”

 

Peter smiled. He finally came to a conclusion to accept Sirius Black’s friendship. They weren’t that different after all. Or maybe they were, completely different to be accurate, but actually it was their difference that made them connect to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sirius receives the snake necklace in [The Price for Our Minds](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34437062) in Chapter 10 [We'll dance in their dark](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14872469/chapters/34970387)


	8. Take me out of here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is sick again. Sirius wants to help Peter.

“Remus shouldn’t be here. He’ll never survive the lessons,” James said worried. Sirius nodded.

“It’s a double. Oh Godrick, can we get him out of here?”

Peter agreed with them. Remus was fast asleep, sitting on the floor his back resting against the wall. They were waiting for their history lessons to start. Remus had returned from his leave for the breakfast and he was in worse shape than he had been a month ago in the Hogwarts Express. His hands had fresh cuts and he seemed to be aching all over and he was walking with trouble. His skin didn’t have any healthy glow in it, it was pale and screaming of exhaustion.

“I’m worried about him,” Sirius said squatting down next to him, “say what you say. I’m pretty sure his parents abuse him. No one gets into shape like this after you visit your home.” He peeked up to take an eye contact with Peter.

“Not even me with my  _ ‘vicious’ _ mother, I want to add.”

“Be careful what you say about him, he’s very sensitive about his bruises,” Marlene crouched down next to Sirius, looking as worried as Sirius, “Lily tried to tend his scar with some potion she had discovered and he never let her touch it. But of course, at least I thought that that deep scars are better to show to the madam of the Hospital Wing.” 

The big scar across his face had healed over the time and it had lost it’s redness after he had gone to show it in the Hospital Wing. But it was still very visible and Remus had said it probably wouldn’t vanish ever because it was a magical cut.

“Maybe they have some beasts at home? His father did do some research on some magical creatures…” James pondered. 

“It was on non-beings,” Peter snorted impatiently, “and Marlene, shouldn’t you be gossiping with other girls? Remus will absolutely kill us if he wakes up and sees your face hovering over his making up theories of his scars.” 

Marlene gave a piercing glance towards Peter before she stood up and moved to Lily and Mary on the other side of the corridor. James immediately took Marlene’s place next to Sirius.

“That was a bit harsh, Petey. I know Marls was just being worried, that’s all.”

“Yeah I know it too but Remus doesn’t like it,” Peter insisted, eyeing his sleeping friend worrying. 

“How can we help Remus? It might be that he needs to be rescued from his home. He’s not going to die on my watch,” Sirius said dramatically, earning an eye roll from Peter behind his back.

“Shh, he’s not dying. I’m sure there’s some explanation to this,” James assured, starting gently to nudge Remus awake.

“Yeah, there is. And it’s an explanation he doesn’t want us to know,” Peter said quietly.

“Remy...Remy wake up...our lesson is about to start.” 

“Drugs,” Sirius said his eye narrowed, “do you think he’s doing muggledrugs? Maybe his mother is a drugdealer? You know, muggles have these --”

“Sirius, no more muggletheories, you’re not good at making them, okay?” James said giving a warning stare at Sirius that silenced him. Then he continued waking Remus up. And by the time professor Binns had come they had gotten Remus up and James was supporting him to walk in the class. 

 

James helped Remus to take his seat beside Peter. Then James seated himself on the other side of Peter and Sirius sat next to James. The ghost professor started his boring monologue and Peter was keeping track how Remus was staying wake. Bravely he started to take notes but Peter noticed his handwriting was unusually sloppy.

 

Peter’s study of Remus was being cut when James slipped a note to Peter. Peter looked at James with his eyebrow lifted. James shrugged and gestured towards Sirius. Sirius was grinning at Peter and signaling him to open up the piece of parchment.

 

It was a poem.

 

_ “‘I was killed by death _

_ I am dead _

_ Under the cloak of darkness _

_ Blackness’ _

 

_ After our yesterday’s talk I realised what a jerk I have been. I owe you one. Maybe this will do. -S” _

 

A pretty lousy poem, Peter might add. Now Peter looked at Sirius puzzled. Sirius mouthed, 

“Don’t you get it?” And rolled impatiently his eyes when it really seemed that Peter didn’t get it. He ripped a piece of parchment and wrote another note. James passed it to Peter and peeked in to read it too.

 

_ “Bonehead! It’s your poem to Sluggy. No thanks needed, like I said I owe you one. -S” _

 

Peter looked at Sirius and shook his head. Sirius held his right index finger in the air and started to scribble something. Finally he folded the piece of parchment and handed it to James who gave it to Peter.

 

_ “You are right Pete! It was rough, unfinished. Here’s the improved edition:  _

 

_ ‘It’s much easier to be killed by death _

_ This twisted ghost is making me feel dead _

_ Under the heavy cloak of darkness _

_ My mind slips into a numb blackness’ _

 

_ There you go! Seriously, no thanks needed! -S” _

 

Peter stared at the parchment, still unimpressed. He gave a sideways glance at Sirius and wrote an answer behind the note. 

_ “If I was to write poems, I wouldn’t write grim Halloween poems at the verge of Spring,”  _ and let James to pass the note to Sirius. Sirius read the note and looked at Peter with a you-gotta-be-kidding-me -expression, but ripped a new piece of parchment and started to scribble in it. After few minutes it was ready for James to pass.

 

_ “I was writing about these morbid history lessons, you ignorant. I think I managed splendidly caught the soul of our generation there. Maybe you are clueless when it comes to literature and other culture. But don’t you worry Pete, I have something more common, folksy or dare I say even vulgar, that you might find more to your taste. _

 

_ ‘Cuckoo _

_ Who are you _

_ Blue _

_ Is there nothing to do?’ _

 

_ There. It has also a Springy tone for cuckoos are arriving in April. Maybe some thanks should be in order anyway. -S” _

 

Peter crumbled the piece of paper into a ball and threw it at Sirius. Sirius was mouthing an enormous “WHAT” with his mouth, tearing another piece of parchment and starting to scribble something. James read it before passing to Peter.

“Sirius, this is actually really good,” James whispered eyes amazed, earning a grumble from professor Binns.

 

_ “‘I was led astray _

_ My home, the deceiving haze _

_ I envy the heart of steel _

_ As the cold presence encloses me _

 

_ A big illusion’s all you could give _

_ I dwelled in some dreams, forgot to live _

_ That look in my eye, the inner fire _

_ Freedom - my deepest desire.’ _

 

_ Thank me later, bonehead.” _

 

Peter thought it was okay. A bit dramatic and fateful and a lot of nonsense but he guessed poems should have feelings and some riddles in them. The first decent piece he actually could think of to show to professor Slughorn. Remus nudged Peter for he wanted to read it too. Then Remus ripped a new piece of parchment and scribbled a note with the tired handwriting. 

_ “Didn’t know that you knew how to write poetry. You surprise us every day!” _ Remus passed the note to Peter, who gave it to James and James offered it to Sirius. Sirius read it and grinned back to Remus, mouthing a word they all knew to expect.

“My  _ maitresse _ .”

 

Peter read the poem again and thought that it was good because it was true. Not for him of course, but for Sirius Black. Peter didn’t spend much of his times reading poetry but he wasn’t that ignorant. At least in Peter’s eye it seemed quite obvious that Sirius had written about his relationship with his family’s values and the deepest desire of freedom was the freedom to feel and act without a dichotomy. Freedom of his family’s heavy and ominous name. Freedom of his mother.

 

But of course Peter could be wrong. Sirius was probably good at just putting words after words. 

 

“You okay?” Peter asked from Remus frowning. Remus had brought him back from his thoughts with a whimper that didn’t sound like Remus at all.

“I’m...I’m fine,” Remus panted, trying to whisper undetected but Marlene, Lily and Mary turned around on their seats to eye him with glances full of questions and concerns. Also James and Sirius were staring at him. Peter signed to the girls to turn around before professor Binns would notice that Lupin had more audience than him.

 

Remus was caressing his upper thigh with his hands. It didn’t seem to bleed or anything.

“What’s in there? A new cut?”

Remus shook his head.

“It’s just a bruise. I was stupid enough to forget it and managed to poke it with my elbow. It’s a really deep bruise and it hurts.”

“Oh Godrick, Remus, I hope you get well soon,” James whispered gently. Peter thought it was friendly towards Remus that James hadn’t tried to pry any more details out of him and it made Peter to swallow his follow-up questions completely. Sirius’ face on the other hand let on that he was clearly making more theories that probably involved abuse, drugs and muggle way of life. Peter was suspicious too but he actually believed Remus when he had said in the Express that his cut was magical. But Peter had no reason to believe that Remus Lupin, one of the clumsiest charmer at their class, would try any hexes alone at home. Besides, Remus didn’t seem like the kind of boy to ignore rules, especially if the cover up would require lying about other people’s doings. No, it was clear to Peter Pettigrew that something had made the cut and maybe that bruise too to Remus Lupin, and that Remus wasn’t willing to tell his mates the truth. Lupin had secrets.

 

And Peter respected his friend’s will. Remus wouldn’t have to  _ tell  _ them. Peter would figure out his secrets some other way, he decided.

“You’ll be okay, mate,” he assured to Remus patting his shoulder gently and giving him an encouraging nod. Remus answered with a shy smile, his eyes avoiding his friends.

“Thank you, gentlemen, for your concerns. But don’t you worry about me, it’ll heal in no time, I assure you.”


	9. If there's nothing to hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for intervention with Remus and Narcissa needs something too.

"Remus.” Sirius grabbed both of Remus’ shoulders and was eyeing the shorter boy deeply in his eyes, a weird expression on his face, showing a mixture of sincere worry and stubborn determination. Peter had a bad feeling about this.  
“Yes?” Remus asked cautiously, looking like he most certainly had a bad feeling.

It had been couple of days since Remus had gotten back from his leave. He had been gathering strength and seemed to be feeling himself again. Sirius was just waiting for a convenient time and place for an intervention, despite of James’ and Peter’s pleads not to. It was an early Saturday afternoon and they were having a stroll outside, waiting for the Ravenclaw versus Gryffindor -quidditch match to begin.

“We,” Sirius said to Remus, articulating slowly like he was talking to a child, pointing himself with his thumb and then gesturing towards James and Peter, “want to help you. We worry about you,” he said, looking like he wanted to spell the word ‘ _worry_ ’ to Remus, letter by letter. Remus blinked his eyes, looking surprised instead of angry. Which was a good sign, Peter thought.  
“Okay,” Remus said warily, then suddenly giving in, letting his tensed shoulders drop.  
“You’re not talking about my transfiguration essay?” He sighed, rubbing his temple, “it wasn’t that bad, it’s the practise I struggle--”  
“No Remus, not talking about it. I know you know your transfigs, mate,” Sirius said, leaning even more closer to Remus, having their faces awkwardly only inches away each other. Now Remus stiffened again. Peter felt for him, he could still remember how invading of one’s personal space Sirius Black could be.  
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus asked tensely, but Sirius ignored it.  
“How is your mother, Remus?”  
“Oh Godrick no,” James facepalmed.  
“Why do you ask?” Remus asked continuing with the tensed tone. Peter could notice he was clenching his hands into fists on his sides. It was a bad sign, he figured.

“Remus,” Peter decided to help Sirius, against his better judgement, “it’s normal for friends to worry. Chill out. We have noticed that this wasn’t the first time your mother was ill and we would like to know what is wrong with her. Is she’s gonna be alright? We want that you don’t need to worry yourself to sick, that’s all.”  
James was nodding vigorously at Peter’s words. Remus looked still doubtful.  
“We wanna be there for you,” James offered.  
“Y-you..what? You don’t have to worry about me,” Remus insisted. Sirius shook his head.  
“But we do. ‘Cause friends worry. I didn’t know that ‘cause I didn’t have proper friends before you guys. Now I know. And this worrying kills me, I tell you.”  
“You’d worry over us too,” James added with a soft tone and a smile that could disarm anyone.  
“I...I,” Remus lowered his eyes and stammered some sort of apology. They were silent for a bit, until Sirius couldn’t take the silence anymore.  
“Don’t kill me with this worry, Lupin!”  
That made Remus let out a little laughter that relieved the tension between them. James and Peter let themselves have little giggles too, more to the loosened atmosphere than Sirius’ joke.

“My mother is...cured. I promise you, she’s not going to be ill anymore,” Remus then continued, keeping his eyes on the ground, not looking at his friends.  
“Did she die?” Peter heard himself ask, immediately regretting. It wasn’t a question to be asked.  
“No,” Remus answered, in a surprisingly calm way. But something felt odd in Peter’s eye. Remus didn’t seem relieved. Something was still bothering him.  
“So how can you then promise she’s not going to be sick again?” Sirius inquired. Peter was interested to know that too.  
“Look. I...I can’t explain. You just need to trust me.”  
“Is your mother a drugdealer?” Sirius then asked with a casual tone, like it was a perfectly normal question like ‘is your mother a nurse?’. James facepalmed with both of his hands and sighed heavily. Peter snickered. Of course he would ask that. That’s Sirius.  
“What?! NO!”  
“Well you can’t blame me for thinking about drug use -”  
“Are you Sirius Black suggesting that I do drugs? Are you out of your mind?” Remus asked tensely eyeing Sirius angrily, before bursting into a laughter, “I’m 11 years old, for Merlin’s sake.” James and Peter joined his laughter too. Sirius was not laughing, he was spreading his hands and making explanations why Remus’ drug use would make sense. All in all Peter was relieved that Remus wasn’t angry at them prying. And that Remus’ mother hadn’t died.

“You are nutters, gentlemen, truly. But I do have to admit I am actually very honored to call you my friends. You see, I neither have had any actual friends before this,” Remus cast a sympathetic look at Sirius and they smiled at each other for a long moment.  
“This calls in for some celebration!” James suggested, grabbing both of them into a hug.  
“Oh come one Petey, just join us, hurry!” he urged but somehow Peter was standing still.

Peter had a nasty feeling in his gut. He had just come to realize something he wished he hadn’t. At one moment he had been the more social one out of the two of them, out of him and Remus. Peter was more like James, he had had friends before Hogwarts, he knew how to be with others although he wasn’t that funny, likable and out-going as James. Peter had just gotten to know Sirius and found a connection with him too, finally. For a second Remus had been the odd one out with him hiding his secrets. Dear, lovely Remus, the boy who had taken him under his protection on the very beginning of school, who had always defended him from Sirius’ mean words and taken him into account too when James had forgotten about him. And now Peter was feeling jealous of him because the others were also starting to see how great guy Remus actually was. And Peter was absolutely hating himself for having these feelings.

Luckily Remus had something where he needed to be.  
“Sorry lads, but I need to rush. I’m being tutored in charms.” He detached from Sirius and James and said towards Peter: “We need to cuddle later, okay?”  
Peter offered him a weak but grateful smile. Even when he was having ugly thoughts of Remus it was Remus himself who let Peter out of the tight spot. It made Peter feel even more worse.  
“What about the quidditch match?” Sirius and James asked in unison, devastated.  
“If I’ll come I’ll come my eyes glued to _The Standard Book of Spells_.”  
Remus left the other way and the other three still stayed outside, lingering on the courtyard and talking about the upcoming match.

“Cousin!”  
Sirius grunted and hurried his steps away from the sound of Narcissa Black’s voice. Peter glanced back and saw Narcissa trying to catch them. The two of her Slytherin girl friends were trailing her, as always.  
“Sirius, stop!”  
Unreluctantly Sirius came to a stop. Peter and James stayed with him too. But stubbornly he didn’t turn towards Narcissa.  
“Sirius, I got good news! Are you feeling any better?”  
Sirius made some sort of a mumbling answer while his cousin stepped in front of him. Narcissa beamed, she was clearly on a happy mood. Somehow the sight of her enlightened Peter’s grim mood as well.

“You see. I have figured out a solution. In the absence of Andromeda, I will offer myself to be married with Lucius,” Narcissa said, picking some invisible dust from Sirius’ cloak. Peter could see a green jeweled ring glimmering in her left ring finger already.  
“How convenient,” Sirius said with a flat tone, eyes on the same ring as well.  
“Wasn’t that your plan the whole time?” James asked in between his teeth. Narcissa let out a light laughter and turned to James.  
“I have nothing to hide. I am an open book, just read me, you silly Potter,” she smirked and fluttered her eyelashes at him before turning back to Sirius and changing her tone into more matter-of-fact:  
“Anyway, the Malfoys do accept this. Actually they are more happy with me than arrogant and unpredictable Dromeda, who would’ve guessed… Well anyway, it’s just...my father, can you believe it? Insists still Reg to marry me, so that we could keep our house in the family. But it’s not going to happen…I think the peace between the Malfoys and the Blacks matter more than some stupid house, don’t you?”  
“Couldn’t they just hand it down for Reg without a marriage pact, it’s not like any of you will miss it?” Sirius grunted, looking like he couldn’t care less.  
“Yeah maybe. But then again it seems that your mother is very very thrilled to have gotten Reg out of this marriage pact. I am sure she has some new settlement in her eye already.”  
“Well, I guess it’s a riot between the Black siblings then. The winner gets to marry Reggie to whom they want.”

Peter flinched at the sound of it. It seemed that they were talking about this Reg like he was a thing rather than someone. But on the other hand, Peter, being the practical one, could actually be happy with an arranged marriage. It was one of the most intimidating thoughts to find a girlfriend and actually stick with her so long she would be interested in marrying him. And was there houses involved in the marriage pacts also? Sounded like a like perfect little starter kit. Getting started with your own family. Peter could appreciate it, he admitted himself sheepily.

“Everything will be so perfect. I am to marry Lucius, and Viveca,” she pointed the girl on her left side, “is engaged with Geronimo Goyle, and Maryanne here,” she gestured towards her right side, “is about to get betrothed with Jonathan Crabbe. We’ll be friends forever and do soirees and our kids will grow up together,” she said beaming.  
“Your kids are of course also welcome, Sirius. And your kids too,” she turned smile at James but James didn’t smile back at her.  
“I won’t let my kids anywhere near your offspring,” James growled barely audible, but Narcissa had already shifted her focus back to her cousin.  
“...And we could give our son or daughter for Reggie’s child to make up the loss...”  
“Oh for crying out loud this is not how normal people have relationships,” James cried, running his hand through his mess of a hair. Then he came to a stop and cast some significant look to Sirius, and Sirius seemed to read something of it. Peter had been noticing the two of them had more and more of wordless communication going on in between them. That made Peter feel like a third wheel and it irritated him.

“Hey Sirius - I’ve got an idea,” James said with a little too pretentious tone, “why don’t your parents marry you and Reggie to each other! That’ll keep the bloodline in tact - ouch!”  
Sirius was sending sparkles from his wand towards James but Peter was sure he detected a small amount of humour in the corner of his eye. James started to run and Sirius chased him. Seemed like a perfect scheme to escape from Narcissa.

Peter noticed he was suddenly the only one left with the three intimidating Slytherin girls. It was an awkward moment. Narcissa was looking sullen after Sirius and James and her friends were writhing impatiently, probably eager to get on with whatever it was how 16 year old girls passed their free time. Peter started to make his way after James and Sirius who were now laughing loudly somewhere out of sight but clearly within the hearing range.

“Wait! Who are you?”  
Peter froze on his place. Narcissa Black wanted to know who he was.  
“Pettigrew,” he said wording carefully for some reason, although he thought he should be trying to sound carefree and laid back.  
“Hi Pettigrew. I am Narcissa Black, Sirius’ cousin,” she introduced herself, like Peter didn’t know who she was. Like they were somehow...equal.  
“What’s your first name, darling?”  
Being Narcissa Black and calling a nobody as _darling_ was a clear sign for Peter that Narcissa wanted something fishy out of him.  
“Peter.”  
“Peter.”  
It was nice to hear his name come out of pretty lips in a singing tone. It made his heart take some extra beats.  
“Peter, I have noticed you’re the sensible one of Sirius’ friends. That Potter is just outrageous, isn’t him?”  
Peter noticed that he was nodding, although by no means he thought James was outrageous. He actually thought James was the best of Sirius’ friends. Kind, funny and righteous. Probably brave too. But Peter understood very well why Narcissa Black would feel like James Potter was being obnoxious. And Narcissa didn’t actually need to know what Peter truly thought about James.  
“I’m sure you could talk some sense to my cousin, could you? It’s not that we mean ill and I need his help. My father needs to take his opinion into consideration too. He’s the heir, you see.”  
Peter nodded again, although he actually didn’t understand at all what a 12 year-old could say about marriage pacts that made the adults change their minds. Suddenly something made him add:  
“The hat considered me into Slytherin.”  
Oh Merlin. Narcissa Black was turning him into the same kind of idiot as the stammering James had been in front of Andromeda. Why would Narcissa Black be interested in what the sorting hat had thought about some never heard Pettigrew?  
“Oh really? You would’ve done great in Slytherin,” she said and placed a shallow kiss on his each cheek. Her two friends followed her lead kissing Peter before the three girls sailed away, leaving flustered Peter to gather his thoughts.

"


	10. Bring no surprise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to put those thumbtacks into use.

They had tried everything with the thumbtacks. They experienced with all the possible incantations they could come up with. They tried to woke them by stepping on them. They threw them around whisking them in the air. But it was no use. It took Sirius’ frustration to throw the whole pile directly at James that they understood how the pins worked. Now the sticks were chasing James like a mean little swarm of bees. Remus got them to stop with a simple _‘finite’_.

“Beautiful!” Sirius admired, “I’m wondering where Peeves got these?”

“Dunno but I’m sure that Flinch-creep would be interested to know about these,” Peter thought out loud, reflecting would professor Slughorn be smart enough to connect him to the pins when the prank would be revealed.

 

They had seven thumbtacks all together. Instead of sending the whole bunch at one person they decided to put only one on each person, for that way it would be more fun. Harder to notice the pins and harder to aim the counter spell at it’s target.

“This is so evil,” Remus sighed but insisted on that Deborah Burke would be the first one to get a pin on herself. James wanted Snape to be the second one and Sirius asked for Mulciber to get one too. Peter didn’t come up with anyone he wanted to irritate, which kind of made him feel sad.

“I think that instead of planning too much we could get ourselves to stair landing and select our victims there,” he explained. Remus admitted Peter had a valid point but Sirius and James insisted on their pre-elected targets.

 

They went to prey on the stair landing, having a perfect view to the Entrance Hall. The dinner was about to start in 15 minutes and the most eager pupils were already swarming in to the Great Hall. James, who had the best aim, was ready to throw the first one. Sirius, who had competed with James to be the thrower, had submitted and he was holding the other pins, ready to hand them over to James when needed. Remus and Peter concentrated on look out.

“Coast is clear,” Peter informed, eyeing the Entrance Hall for potential trouble such as teachers, Argus Filch, prefects or other tattlers. Just as he had said it the blond head of Narcissa Black sailed in to the hall.

“No, I withdraw that. A prefect in sight,” Peter warned. Sirius hissed beside him.

“A certain prefect, I might add.”

 

Suddenly Sirius seemed to lost it. When Narcissa approached them with her girl friends, opposing to everything the four boys had discussed before, Sirius Black threw all the thumbtacks he was holding on Narcissa.

Peter was furious.

“Sirius! How could you? We had an agreement!”

But no one heard him, for everyone was staring at the happenings in the Entrance hall. Underneath them, the thumbtacks pattered on the top of Narcissa’s head. Her first reaction was to look up and she saw all the four boys eyeing at her on the stair landing.

“Sirius? What is the meaning --”

And just like it had been when Peeves had assaulted Peter, the thumbtacks woke up and started to target Narcissa. But because she was staring at the boys she didn’t see them coming and the thumbtacks cling on her painfully, piercing the back of her head.

“Ow,” she shrieked and took her hand to the back of her head, probably slamming them in more deeply and making it more painful.

“Ouch,” Remus said quietly, obviously feeling her pain. Peter felt mortified as Narcissa Black withdrew her hand and looked at her friends with a panicky grimace. The other students in the Entrance Hall were eyeing them, murmuring and whispering. James and Sirius were laughing and making fun of Narcissa, but Peter didn't want to hear them. He wanted to incantate _‘finite’_ but he was afraid of how that would look like in the eyes of his mates.

“Take them off, take them off,” the boys could hear her shriek, but her friends were afraid of touching them.

 

“What is it?” Deborah Burke’s voice demanded to know. The band of first grader Slytherins were descending the stairs and passing the four Gryffindors.

“It seems my darling cousin is having some headache,” Sirius grinned and gestured downstairs. Burke and Avery looked at each other like evaluating Sirius’ words before they peeked over the handrail. James winked his eye at Sirius and urged the Slytherins to go down to see the situation more closely. After they had passed them and were descending the last stairs, James threw the last pin he had after Severus Snape. When Severus turned to see what had hit his back James and Sirius didn’t even try to hide. They were grinning at him and waving. And soon the pin woke and pinched Severus in his back. The suddenly surprising pain made him jump and tangle in his own robes. He fell down and downed Avery and a Slytherin girl while at it.

James and Sirius were now howling.

“Oi Snivellus, need someone to walk you down the stairs?” James bellowed at him. Remus was snickering too. But Peter wasn’t laughing, he was raging mad at Sirius. He couldn’t be trusted. He just did what he pleased. In the corner of his eye he saw professor Slughorn approaching but did nothing to warn the others, in a way he wished Sirius would get caught and into detention again.

 

“What is the meaning of this, ms Black is clearly in pain!” professor Slughorn’s voice boomed when he inquired information from Narcissa’s friends. They started to explain vigorously. Narcissa had fallen on her knees to the ground and she was crying and her hands were hovering around her head not daring to touch it. Professor Slughorn gently took a grip of her wrists and removed her hands and located the pins.

“Aha, these little devils. _Finite!_ ”

And the six thumbtacks fell on the ground. Narcissa thanked the professor while still sobbing. The professor inspected the thumbtacks and asked some questions from the girls, but the four boys didn’t hear what was it about.

“Well that was fun while it lasted,” Sirius said wiping his eyes from the tears of laughter. Peter was eyeing daggers at him.

“Snivellus is still having one,” James reminded and they shifted their focus on Snape who kept pulling the pin out of his back but the pin still kept on getting back. He let always a cry when the pin hit him. Finally someone told professor Slughorn that Snape needed his help too and the professor rescued him.

“Did Peeves do this to you?” the professor asked and they saw Snape shook his head.

“He’s going to rat us out,” Remus said gloomily. Sirius shrugged and told that he didn’t care.

“Yeah, it was totally worth it,” James agreed. But Peter was still sullen about Sirius’ betrayal. He was already plotting in his mind how to get Sirius to take the fault and the other three to get off from the hook when someone surprising came to claim the thumbtacks.

“Oh, I can’t believe it! There they are!”

It was professor Juniper Wood, the teacher of the defence of the dark arts. The boys had learnt already that she felt sometimes a little off.

“What are?” Professor Slughorn turned to her direction and used somewhat dry tone. He seemed to be angry about the assault towards his pupils and professor Wood got there just in time to take the blame.

“My pins! You see I lost them on my way to my classroom someday. I’ve searched for them. They are so handy when you levitate posters. Just throw few of these after.”

Professor Slughorn had gone back to Narcissa who had gathered herself and gotten her grace back. Slughorn kept his arms protectively around Narcissa’s shoulders when he turned to confront professor Wood.

“Are you Juniper absolutely mad? Are you saying that these needles from hell are YOURS?” The professor boomed angrily, tightening the grip around Narcissa protectively, “shame on you, bringing such dangerous artefacts to school. Think about the children!”

“Well no pupils have ever messed with them,” professor Juniper Wood whisked her hand in the air while collecting the pins from the ground.

 

Now Lucius Malfoy and few other older Slytherin boys descended the stairs passing the four the boys and looking at the happenings in the Entrance Hall. Professors Slughorn and Wood had engaged in an argument.

“What’s this?” they heard Lucius ask from Severus Snape. Snape handed him the pin that had pestered him and gave him the short explanation. Lucius Malfoy then spotted Narcissa Black and hurried the stairs down to the Entrance Hall.

“Just look at my hurt students!” Professor Slughorn shouted gesturing wildly all over the Entrance Hall like the assault had involved everyone. He noticed Malfoy’s arrival and shoved Narcissa in his arms, adding with a dramatic voice: “Ms Black here needs some nerve soothing potion!”

Peter watched Malfoy to enclose Narcissa in a tender embrace in an uncharacteristically soft manner. He remembered her plea the other day, when she asked Peter to talk Sirius about her and Malfoy. They clearly cared for each other. Lucius pressed his thin pale lips on her forehead and Peter felt like he was witnessing something private and dared not look anymore. He shifted his focus back to the professors.

“But Horace! You can not be serious? There is a severely deathly violent tree out there not to mention about the forest that is full of dark and dangerous creatures and you nag about my little thumbtacks?”

“Juniper, if you only understood safety--”

“ _Safety_ is practically what I am teaching here!”

“It might be that all the dark arts have soften your head somehow...”

“So this is it, I’m quitting!”

 

“Well,” headmaster Dumbledore, who had appeared to the stairlanding behind the four Gryffindor boys said, “that was expected. Of course I really wanted her to stay at least until the end of semester.”

The boys had been so engrossed with the argument of the professors that they didn’t notice the headmaster to appear. No one dared to say anything.

“So,” Dumbledore continued, “are you all up for the punishment or did someone of you have more to do with this? It is a serious thing to hurt others and even more sad when things escalate so that someone feels like leaving Hogwarts.”

“It was me. I threw the pins on Narcissa because I was sad about cousin Andromeda. It’s me you should punish.”

Sirius' confession made Peter soften a bit in his rage. At least he took some responsibility.

“I also threw a pin at someone,” James added, “I need to be punished too.”

“And I was looking out,” Remus confessed. Dumbledore nodded to James and Remus and turned his eyes at Peter. Peter didn’t dare to be silent. It was clearly a one-for-all-and-all-for-one -situation and he didn’t want to be left out. Even if it was a punishment he was attending.

“I found the pins,” Peter confessed. Dumbledore nodded to Peter too.

“Ten points from Gryffindor from each of you and see tomorrow professor McGonagall for details of your detention.”

 

“We had an agreement,” Peter hissed at Sirius when they had seated themselves at the dinner table.

“No we didn’t. I never agreed with you,” Sirius said, not lifting his eyes from his plate he was filling.

“But sometimes you gotta honor others’ wishes too, Sirius!”

Sirius stopped but didn’t look at Peter. He nodded.

“I do. And I did in this. At first. But...then I saw Cissy and I changed my mind. Sometimes I just change my mind, okay?”

“Well such an unreliable lad you are Sirius! I want no such surprises from my _friends_!”

Now Sirius found Peter’s eyes and answered his sullen stare with a firm look. At least it wasn’t a self-righteous cocky look but there was no regret either in his eyes.

“Chill out! It’s not like I betrayed you or sacrified Cissy’s future to a devil. My _maitresse_ actually told me that it's good thing to change opinions, it means you have learnt something new.” Sirius shifted his focus back to his food and started to eat. Peter hadn’t even touched his plate yet. He needed to get this out of his system first.

“And between our talk a week ago and now what it exactly is that you have learnt?” he growled, eyeing at James’ and Remus’ direction to see if they agreed with him or Sirius. But the other two seemed to be wise enough to stay out their argument.

“That sometimes I don’t need a reason to change my mind,” Sirius shrugged. Peter was feeling frustrated. Sirius was just smug and entitled, and he never would be able to take others in consideration.

“So you’re unpredictable, that’s what you’re saying! It makes you pretty unreliable friend.”

“Well Pete, I can be unpredictable and trustworthy. Isn’t that anyway the point of trusting? If you knew, it would be knowing, not trusting,” Sirius tried to reason his mouth full of food. Peter rolled his eye. He wasn’t sure if Sirius was taken it seriously or just messing around with him.

“Besides Pete, you don’t get it. It’s my family business.”

Now Peter knew Sirius was taken it seriously. At least his family’s part.

“But we’re your friends, we care. We worry,” Remus interjected, giving a piercing glance at Sirius. James nodded.

“Remus has a point there, mate.”

“Yeah. An important point we all taught him not that long ago,” Peter reminded, although he wasn’t happy that the conversation had just shifted from Sirius betraying Peter’s trust into Sirius’ family soap opera.

“Well then,” Sirius threw his hands in the air the dramatic way he sometimes did when he got frustrated,

“What do you reckon I should’ve done? Forgive Narcissa? _I_ _trusted_ her to be one of the good Blacks, you know!”

“It wasn’t your cousin’s doings, she was just doing what she thought was right, wanting to prove her bones as a Black daughter,” Remus said. Peter nodded and continued ranting:

“It was your mother and Andromeda’s father who put the stupid rules and forced marriages. If you want to get back at Andromeda’s exile, start by ripping that stupid snake necklace off.”

Sirius looked at Peter, baffled. His left hand went to fondle the necklace his parents had send him for his birthday. Sirius had taken it as a token of their acceptance towards him despite of him being a Gryffindor but Peter had already then disagreed. It was a snake, not a lion. It wasn't acceptance, it was a reminder that he was a Black. Or maybe it was even a threat that Sirius' parents would in the end make their son follow their ways, they seemed that crazy folks in Peter's opinion.

The three boys watched Sirius' hand to squeeze around the snake and with a forceful jerk the thin silvery chain broke and the necklace was in his fist. Peter nodded approvingly at him, and feeling bold he moved on, Narcissa’s plea still echoing in his mind.

“The next step is to think: are you gonna defend Narcissa’s and Malfoy’s union? Your cousin...is clearly in love,” Peter said although the words were tasting somehow sour in his mouth, “or something. And she is going through a great deal of trouble to be united with...her love interest. Whatever.”

Even James, who absolutely hated Narcissa, seemed to agree silently.

“Besides,” Peter continued, trying to catch a lighter tone, “maybe this Reg-fellow would be happy to marry someone else. I mean for Godrick’s sake it’s not good for cousins to marry.”

Sirius had taken a solid eye contact with James when Peter had talked, and Peter found himself all over again observing their silent conversation. Finally James shrugged and nodded a little, and Sirius turned his eyes at Peter again.

“Bite me Pete. You make sense again. Unbelievable.”

“What is unbelievable, Sirius, that every now and then you are able to take heed from advise, you hothead,” Remus smirked at Sirius earning a tossed potato at his direction. Sirius then turned back to Peter.

“Thanks, mate. I guess I still owe you.”

“Does this mean I’m forced to receive more of your poems?”

“I’ll write you a frigging song, Pete. A nice surprise for my friend.”

**Author's Note:**

> All in all it was really surprisingly interesting to write from Peter’s point of view although I thought it would be the hardest one. For some reason I enjoyed being inside of Peter’s head and can’t wait to do it again! 
> 
> The main title and the titles of the chapters are all taken from Pendulum’s song Watercolour.
> 
> The song fits in Peter. There is nervous energy in the song and in the point of view boy in question and lots of thoughts, fears and hopes to be processed. And these lyrics just seem to kind of like foreshadow how and why Peter did turn.  
>   
> [Song in Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/5ami95W9OOWQPwrBb5tud5?si=SaiTNIeSTOuJkIfIGJSjCQ)  
> [Lyrics in AZLyrics](https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/pendulum/watercolour.html)


End file.
